Introduction

Do you know the difference between an Apostle and an Epistle?

Do you secretly admit that you don't know what words like grace, humility, repentance and faith really mean?

Would you be embarrassed to face a six-year-old Sunday school student in a Bible trivia contest?

Do you avoid reading the Bible because you don't understand it, or because you simply believe it can't be true?

Do you long to develop a relationship with God, but worry that you won't know enough to even start the process?

Do you think God can't possibly forgive you for what you've done?

If so, you're in the same boat I was in just a few short months ago. In the midst of a very serious crisis, the scariest situation I've ever faced in my life, I realized that I had to make a decision. It was either time to end it all, or I was going to have to face up to my reality. Having experienced the pain of suicide when my brother shot himself 20 years ago, I realized that I couldn't put my loved ones through that, so facing reality was my only option. Yet, I knew I couldn't do it alone. I knew I needed God to help me.

The problem with that was that I wasn't even sure I believed in God. I defined myself as an agnostic. I prayed every night, but I wasn't sure He even heard my prayers. And even if He did, I was pretty sure I was too lowly and despicable for Him to listen. How could I turn to God, when I suspected that God wasn't even there? And what if I turned to Him only to see Him turn away from me?

In a conversation I had with my wife, she convinced me that God was indeed there, and that He wouldn't turn away from me. That He was waiting for me to turn back to Him. That He had sent His only begotten Son to die on the cross so that I may receive forgiveness just by asking. My wife would become my biggest spiritual advisor, but that day, on the telephone, that was the moment she convinced me to turn to God for help.

Later that day, alone in a hotel room, I opened the drawer of the nightstand. I knew that there would be a Bible in there. Every time I traveled, I shook my head when I would see the Gideon Bible in my hotel room. Wouldn't whoever wanted to read the Bible on their trip bring one with them? That day, I was so grateful to know what I would find as I opened that drawer. Even before I opened it, before I saw that Bible, I knew it would be there. I knew. Without seeing. I knew. I guess you could say it was the first time in a long time that I had had faith in anything.

I opened that Bible, deciding that if there really was a God, He would work through me to open the book to whatever verse I needed to read. And so I began reading from the book of Luke. I started reading at the point where Jesus asks Judas if he has betrayed Jesus. And I kept reading. I read about Jesus being arrested. I read about Him being taken before a couple guys called Pilate and Herod. I read about Him being crucified. And about His resurrection. And about His appearing to the disciples.

I believe God did exactly what I asked Him to do that day. He led me to the text I needed to read. At the time, I recall thinking, "This isn't what I need. I need comfort. I don't need to read about Jesus being crucified." But it turns out, it was exactly what I needed. I needed to read about Jesus dying for my sins. And I needed to become aware of the fact that I didn't know much about Jesus, and that if I was going to develop a relationship with God, I'd better spend some time learning about Jesus.

As I became determined to grow my extremely limited understanding of all things related to God, I realized that there isn't much out there designed to help people in my situation. Much of what I read was way over my head. But I persevered, and little by little my understanding is increasing. Knowing that there are probably other people out there with the same problem, I decided to share some of what I have learned there past few months on this web site.

So if you find yourself wanting to develop a relationship with God, but not having a clue where to start, I hope you find this web site to be helpful. I wish you all the best in your personal journey of growth and faith.

Tim

PS - I guess I should provide this disclaimer. I am not a minister. I am not an educated theologian. My understanding is very basic, very new and could very well be wrong in a lot of areas. I'm often told that there is safety in a multitude of counselors, so I encourage you to explore this web site in conjunction with reading books, listening to sermons and studying the Bible with others. By doing so, you will greatly reduce the risk of being led astray by one person's misunderstanding.